You know… A lot has transpired and changed over the course of evolution, and yet, not a lot has changed. Darwin’s evolutionary theory of the survival of the fittest may have only been propounded in the case of natural selection or reproductive success back when it was ideated, but I don’t think Mr. Darwin would be strong against my associating it to mental states.
Let me get right to the point I’m making- The world isn’t designed for everyone.
This isn’t just about how a right-handed majority makes life a tad bit difficult for the left-handed. This is much more than that. This is about fitting into society… living life… being happy…
It’s real easy for people like me to dislike all those around me who Get life. They seem to have more of it figured out than I probably ever will.
Key words in that above statement being Probably Ever Will.
It’s one thing to be a habitual pessimist. But it’s an entirely different matter to in fact not be one, but to instead be written off as one every single time you make an appeal for help… or just plead to be heard.
I don’t think I will ever figure life out at the rate it is going because it simply isn’t what I’m cut out for. It’s really that simple.
All that being said, I don’t dislike people. Being one in every five hundred or even a thousand people, obviously doesn’t make me more right and the multitude, more wrong. It just means I’m probably not going to survive if I keep swimming against their tide.
The cliches are incredibly frustrating because they’ve worn out the usage over situations that didn’t even conform. For example- You come across all those ever-optimistic (so optimistic that you just want to bury them in the sand) self-proclaimed philosophers out there who will tell you, and I quote, “Swimming against the tide is a good thing! It makes you unique!”…
Easier said than done. Always.
Being unique cannot be argued against. But is it really worth the constant down-phases, the self-doubt, the hopelessness, helplessness, and absolute sunken feeling?
Again, easier said than done. If you’re thinking “Yeah… Those emotional states don’t last long.. It’s a phase…”, you don’t have a f***ing clue what it actually is like be be down there; to be feeling all of that, and all at the same ****ing time.
There’s also people who try this to comfort you- They say “Oh! Well you know… The world has been shaped by those like you. You know… Eccentrics… Einstein, Steve Jobs…”
Agreed. But has that changed how the world nurtures “people like us”?
If I had a Paisa for every single time someone told me to be more adjusting… conforming… I’d have about twenty Rupees. (1 INR = 100 Paisa)
Consider this- Don’t you think I’ve tried that? “Conforming”. “Fitting’in”. Being more like every single person out there? Don’t you think I’d happily want to trade good ol’ sorrowful, depression-prone, and often helpless me, for a version who felt less or none of all those things?
Isn’t it at all possible that maybe I am just built this way?
Changing who you are isn’t easy. It kills you. The person in you anyway.
I know I’m probably going to generate a lot of online hate for what I’m about to say- but I don’t care. I scroll through my Facebook page and look at what the tech and social media savvy people are up to, and I have no faith in the world at all. There’s self-proclaimed activists furiously fighting for gender equality, freedom of expression, speech, sexuality, sexual orientation, race… And it seems to me like over half of them don’t have a clue what all of it actually means.
I mean, how are you out there fighting for these things and ignoring more pressing matters? Like the refugees, the deaths, the slaughtering, the vulnerability, the fact that nobody seems to know what’s going on in the world at the moment.
I believe in all of those things you fight for. And take my word for it when I say this, I actually know what I am talking about.
You conforming “normal” lot are so busy crowding online spaces fighting for people like me.
So why does it not comfort me?
Why does it not make me feel any less “left-out to die”?
All my ranting here is probably going to mean nothing. But it had to be done. THIS is how I’d like to fight the tide. Survive.
This might indeed still be Survival of the Fittest at play, which would simply mean that I have remote chances of survival at all (if any). But that’s okay. I think I have more fight in me than a lot of people who have it easier.