A Letter to the Daughter I hope I Never Have.

Hello Sweetheart,

Welcome to the World.

I wish the circumstances under which I wrote this for you were better, or had me feeling more positive for you. But things beings as they are, this is what I have to say to you…

 

The world is a bad place.

I see good people every now and then, but I wish that instilled in me more confidence for you.

Sadly, it doesn’t.

And given that things are as they are, whether or not there are good people out there, I am expected to be a good parent- a good mother- and protect you.

 

See… This part baffles me, because I don’t know how.

I don’t know how to protect you.

Should I smother you with all my love and affection, and swear to keep you safe for the rest of my life, while consciously ignoring the awareness that I am taking your individuality and life away from you?

Or should I love you the way I wish my parents had?

 

Should I raise you to value and treasure your innocence, while also raise you to be more aware of defending yourself from any harm? This would mean letting go of you when the time is right…

 

Truth be told, sweetheart, I would raise you this way. Dangers, come as they may, should not mean I take away your rightful freedom to experience and discover life for yourself.

 

There is so much to see, sweetheart… So much to experience. So much to do…

And yes, your life will always be in danger.

 

Growing up female isn’t easy, sweetheart; I will not lie.

Every single day you spend might be a fight, an accomplishment even.

You’re going to have it harder to prove your worth… To be taken seriously… To have valid opinions…

There are of course, good people.

But we’re outnumbered, sweetheart.

I can promise you this- Growing up as a girl is always going to be a fight. Right from when you’re raised, to the day you breathe your last.

Life, is a fight, sweetheart. And men don’t have life any easy.

But to put things into perspective, your additional burden to bear, is that you will also have to fight prejudice from men and women around you.

You will always find yourself reminded of your femininity, your gender, and your feminine duties towards society.

You will rarely find yourself not being thoroughly assessed.

And men and women alike, will judge you and everything you are and stand for.

 

And if I wanted, I could protect you from all of this.

 

Or could I?

 

 

No. Your life will always be in danger…

 

But it isn’t just your life I want to worry about, sweetheart… It’s You. I want you to live. I want you to experience. I want you to do. I want you to be strong, stand on your own feet, and fight for yourself.

While I will always be there for you if you need me.

 

This is how I would like to care for you…

 

But sadly, it seems I may not be able to do so.

Society has me considering having you, so that I can keep you alive.

So that if I smothered you, kept all harm and danger away from you, and let not a scratch on your tender, delicate, pure skin, you will be okay.

But I’m not sure.

Will you be okay?

 

Will you be happy, sweetheart?

 

I know I wouldn’t be.

 

Being a woman shouldn’t have to be such a cross to bear, sweetheart, but sadly, it is.

And society has me considering raising you to be fully aware of your curse at all times…

By clinging on to you, a creation of mine, so tightly that it suffocated you.

By watching your every move, screening your every friend, moderating your every attire, regulating your alone time, restricting your outside hours…

Society has me cornered in the guise of saving you… Keeping you alive.

 

But I can’t do that sweetheart.

 

I can’t smother you. I can’t love and care for you so much that it ate into your very individuality.

I can’t be that parent.

 

I won’t be that parent.

 

And so, I’m sorry sweetheart, but I hope I never have you.

 

You deserve better.

You deserve to live a full life that is yours, and yours alone.

And quite frankly, the world isn’t ready for that.

 

And so, I am truly sorry sweetheart, but I hope I never have you.

Life is a compromise.

Have you ever wondered about the number of compromises you make every single day of your life? Be it the trivial little things like putting up with the baby in the neighbourhood who’s always crying, or more substantial things like knowing your local political goon gets away with a lot of stuff that “ordinary” citizens like you and I could never get away with, and keeping quiet about it.

Have you even actually paid attention every time you make a compromise? Or is it so routine that you don’t even notice whether or not you’re getting all you want out of life?

 

I wonder about compromises a lot. All the time in fact. It bothers me; and the phrase “Life is a compromise”, accepted by all as an axiom of life, troubles me the most. It doesn’t seem right. Should life really be a compromise?

 

calvinhobbs

 

Consider all the times you compromise. You compromise for family, for friends, for lovers, for colleagues, for bosses, for rulers, for teachers, for those with political power, for those with obscene monetary power, for those who can push you around, and sometimes for those so weak that empathy comes their way rather easily.

You compromise at home, in the neighbourhood, at work, over the internet, while you watch TV, in traffic, at the movies, in different social setups, in classrooms, in boardrooms, even while in the shower!

 

You compromise to avoid conflict and keep peace.

You compromise in order to stay out of trouble, because it would be less cumbersome to actually raise an issue and then deal with the follow-through of your actions.

You compromise because you are tired of trying to talk sense with people who simply don’t get it.

You compromise because you think, “let me me the better person here”.

You compromise because it’s the socially accepted thing to do. And God knows, you don’t want to be the rebel.

 

You compromise all the time because that’s what you’ve been taught to do.

 

WE compromise all the time, because that’s how we’ve all been brought up.

 

-That in order to live life, you must compromise.

-That for the sake of not just your safety, but for the safety of everybody you care about, your best approach to life is Compromise.

-And that if you don’t compromise, you’re being abnormal, difficult, selfish, eccentric, unnatural, and are out of line.

 

But then, what if you really don’t want to compromise?

What if you’re tired of doing it all the time, in every single situation you’re in?

 

Is it wrong to want this?

Does it make me abnormal, eccentric, selfish, and out of line to want this?

 

And more important, is it possible at all, that anyone wanting to just experience a blissful life of minimal compromise, will get their way?

 

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